Archive for category Email Fun Stories

Chicken surprise

Sep 1

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A couple go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and order the ‘Chicken Surprise.

The waitress brings the meal, served in a lidded pot.

Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises

Slightly And she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around, before the Lid slams back down.

‘Good grief, did you see that?’ she asks her husband. He hasn’t, so she asks him to look in the pot.

He reaches for it and again the lid rises,

And he sees two little eyes looking around before it slams down.

Rather perturbed, he calls the waitress over, explains what is happening, and demands an explanation.

‘Please sir,’ says the waitress,, ‘what you order?’

The husband replies, ‘Chicken Surprise.’

‘Ah! So sorry,’ says the waitress , ‘I bring you Peeking Duck’

The Candy With The Little Hole

Aug 31

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The teacher gave the class a bowl full of lifesavers and

Asked the children to identify the flavors by their color:

and they did

Red…………………Cherry
Yellow………………Lemon
Green……………….Lime
Orange ……………Orange
Finally the teacher gave them all HONEY lifesavers.

None of the children could identify the taste.
The teacher said, ‘I will give you all a clue. It’s what your
Mother may sometimes call your father.’
One little girl looked up in horror, spit her lifesaver out and yelled,
‘Oh my God! They’re arse-holes!
The teacher had to leave the room.

Brilliant Girls Night Out

Aug 13

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Last night, my friends and I went to a Ladies Night Club.

One of the girls wanted to impress the rest of us, so she pulled out a $10 note.

When the male dancer came over to us, my friend licked the $10 note and stuck it to his bum cheek!

Not to be outdone, another friend pulls out a $20 note.
She called the guy back , licks the $20 note, and sticks it to his other bum cheek.
In another attempt to impress the rest of us, my third friend pulls out a $50 note and calls the guy over, and licks the $50 note.
I’m worried about the way things are going, but fortunately, she just stuck it to one of his bum cheeks again.
My relief was short-lived.
Seeing the way things are going, the guy races over to me.

Now everyone’s attention is focused on me, and the guy is egging me on to try to top the $50.

My brain was churning as I reached for my wallet.
What could I do?
I got out my ATM card, swiped it down the crack of his bum, grabbed the eighty DOLLARS, and left!

Who Put The Dog Out

Aug 6

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A couple was going out for the evening.

They’d gotten ready, all dolled up, but just needed to put the dog out when the taxi arrives.

However as the couple walked out of the house, the dog shoots back in the house.

They don’t want the dog shut in the house, so the wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes upstairs to chase the dog out.

The wife, not wanting it known that the house will be empty explains to the taxi driver: “He’s just going upstairs to say good-bye to my mother.”

A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab.

“Sorry I took so long” he says.

“Stupid bitch was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out!

Then I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching and biting me as I hauled her ass downstairs and tossed her in the back yard!

She better not shit in the vegetable garden again!”

Scottish Love

Jul 26

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A young Scottish lad and lass were sitting on a low stone wall, holding hands, gazing out over the loch.

For several minutes they sat silently. Then finally the girl looked at the boy and said, “A penny for your thoughts, Angus.”

“Well, uh, I was thinkin’… perhaps it’s aboot time for a wee kiss.”

The girl blushed, then leaned over and kissed him lightly on the cheek.

Then he blushed. The two turned once again to gaze out over the loch.

Minutes passed and the girl spoke again. “Another penny for your thoughts, Angus.”

“Well, uh, I was thinkin’ perhaps it’s noo time aboot time for a wee cuddle.”

The girl blushed, then leaned over and cuddled him for a few seconds.

Then he blushed. And the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch.

After a while, she again said, “Another penny for your thoughts, Angus.”

“Well, uh, I was thinkin’ perhaps it’s aboot time you let me put my hand on your leg.”

The girl blushed, then took his hand and put it on her knee. Then he blushed.

Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch before the girl spoke again. “Another penny for your thoughts, Angus.”

The young man glanced down with a furled brow.

“Well, noo,” he said, “my thoughts are a wee bit more serious this time.”

“Really?” said the lass in a whisper, filled with anticipation.

“Aye,” said the lad, nodding.

The girl looked away in shyness, began to blush, and bit her lip in anticipation of the ultimate request.

Then he said, “Dae ye nae think it’s aboot time ye paid me the first three pennies?”

The Dead Cow and Veterinary School

Jul 18

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First-year students at the Edinburgh Veterinary School were receiving their first anatomy class, with a real dead cow.

They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them, ‘In Veterinary Medicine it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor:

The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the animal body. For an example’ he said as he pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger up the dead cow’s bum, withdrew it and stuck his finger in his mouth.
‘Go ahead and do the same thing,’ he told his students.

The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the anal opening of the dead cow and sucking on it.
When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and said,

‘The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger.’

‘Now learn to pay attention.
Life’s tough, it’s even tougher if you’re stupid.’

Hypnotism At The Seniors’ Centre

Jul 4

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‘I’m here to put you all into a trance. I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience.’

The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat.

The polished metal gleamed in the light. Claude the hypnotist said: ‘I want you each to keep your eyes on this antique watch.

It’s a very special watch. It’s been in my family for six generations.’

He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting,

‘Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch…’

The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light shimmering off its polished surface.

Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until suddenly it slipped from the hypnotist’s fingers and fell to the floor, shattering into a hundred pieces.

‘SHIT!’ said the hypnotist.

It took 3 days to clean up the Seniors’ Centre.

Popularity: 10%

Tags: email, fun email, funny, hypnotist, joke, jokes

The Priest & His Cock (rooster)

Jun 28

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The priest in a small Irish village had a rooster and ten hens, he kept in the hen house behind the church.

One Sunday morning, before mass, he went to feed the birds and discovered that the cock was missing.

He knew about cock fights in the village, so he questioned his parishioners in church.

During mass, he asked the congregation, ‘Has anybody got a cock? ‘

All the men stood up..

‘No, no, ‘ he said, ‘that wasn’t what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock? ‘

All the women stood up.

‘No, no, ‘ he said, ‘ that wasn’t what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock that doesn’t belong to them? ‘

Half the women stood up.

‘No, no, ‘ he said, ‘that wasn’t what I meant.

Has anybody seen MY cock?

Sixteen altar boys, two priests and a goat stood up.

The priest fainted.

Amen

Popularity: 22%

Tags: email, fun email, funny, joke, jokes, priest

Six Affairs of The Heart

Jun 21

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The 1st Affair
A married man was having an affair with his secretary.
One day they went to her place and made love all afternoon.
Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM .
The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.

He put on his shoes and drove home.
‘Where have you been?’ his wife demanded.
‘I can’t lie to you,’ he replied, ‘I’m having an affair with my secretary.
We had sex all afternoon.’
She looked down at his shoes and said: ‘You lying bastard!
You’ve been playing golf!’

The 2nd Affair

Read the rest of this entry »

Popularity: 10%

Atheist Meets a Bear in The Woods

Jun 10

Posted by veehawk in Email Fun Stories | No Comments

An atheist was walking through the woods.
‘What majestic trees’! ‘What powerful rivers’! ‘What beautiful animals’! He said to himself.

As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charge towards him.

He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder & saw that the bear was closing in on him. He looked over his shoulder again, & the bear was even closer. He tripped & fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw that the bear was right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw & raising his right paw to strike him.

At that instant the Atheist cried out, ‘Oh my God!’ Time Stopped. The bear froze. The forest was silent.
As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky. ‘You deny my existence for all these years, teach others I don’t exist and even credit creation to cosmic accident.’

‘Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament?

Am I to count you as a believer’?
The atheist looked directly into the light, ‘It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps you could make the BEAR a Christian’?
The light went out.

The sounds of the forest resumed. And the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head & spoke:

‘Lord bless this food, which I am about to receive from thy bounty through Christ our Lord, Amen

Popularity: 12%

Tags: bear, email, fun email, funny, joke, jokes

John's Rambling Place

Serious & Fun Stuff – Articles & Videos – Select A Category Right Column

Archive for category Email Fun Stories

Chicken surprise

The Candy With The Little Hole

Brilliant Girls Night Out

Who Put The Dog Out

Scottish Love

The Dead Cow and Veterinary School

Hypnotism At The Seniors’ Centre

The Priest & His Cock (rooster)

Six Affairs of The Heart

Atheist Meets a Bear in The Woods

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