A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.
‘Good  morning,’ said the young man.

‘If I could take a couple minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners…
”Go away!” said the old lady.

”I’m broke and haven’t got any money!” and she proceeded to close the door.
Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed  it wide open…

”Don’t be too hasty!” he said. ”Not until you have at least seen my demonstration.”
And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet.

“Now if this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam”

“I will personally eat the remainder.”

The old lady stepped back and said,

“well let me get you a fork, ’cause they cut off my electricity this morning.”

Popularity: 1%

Tags: funny, funny joke, Funny Jokes, joke, jokes

An elderly couple, Margaret and Bert, moved to Texas . Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so, seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home.
Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife, “Notice anything different about me?”
Margaret looked him over. “Nope.”
Frustrated, Bert stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the kitchen completely naked except for the boots.
Again he asked Margaret, a little louder this time, “Notice anything different NOW?”
Margaret looked up and said in her best deadpan, “Bert, what’s different? It’s hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it’ll be hanging down again tomorrow.”
Furious, Bert yelled,

“AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT’S HANGING DOWN, MARGARET?”
“Nope. Not a clue”, she replied.
“IT’S HANGING DOWN, BECAUSE IT’S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!!”
Without missing a beat Margaret replied, “Shoulda bought a hat, Bert.. Shoulda bought a hat.”

Popularity: 4%

Tags: funny, funny joke, Funny Jokes, joke, jokes

I was having trouble with my computer. So I called John, the 11 year old next door whose bedroom looks like Mission Control, and asked him to come over..

John clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.

As he was walking away, I called after him, ‘So, what was wrong?

He replied, ‘It was an ID ten T error.’

I didn’t want to appear to stupid, but nonetheless inquired, ‘An, ID ten T error? What’s that?  In case I need to fix it again.’

John grinned.  ‘Haven’t you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?”

No,’ I replied.

‘Write it down,’ he said, ‘and I think you’ll figure it out.’

So I wrote down: I D 1 0 T

I used to like that little Kid

Popularity: 7%

Tags: funny, funny joke, Funny Jokes, joke, jokes

A man was sunbathing naked at the beach.

For the sake of civility, and to keep it from

Getting sunburned, he had a hat over his privates.

A woman walks past and says, snickering,

“If you were a gentleman you’d lift your hat.”

He raised an eyebrow and replied,

“If you weren’t so ugly it would lift itself.”

Popularity: 15%

Tags: funny, funny joke, Funny Jokes, joke, jokes

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was grinning at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the grin turned into a smile, so she moved again.

The man seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.

The case came up in court. The judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself.

The man replied, ‘Well your Honor, it was like this, when the lady got on the bus, I couldn’t help but notice her condition. She sat down under a sign that said, ‘The Double Mint Twins are coming’ and I grinned.

Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, ‘Logan’s Liniment will Reduce the swelling,’ and I had to smile. Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said, ‘William’s Big Stick Did the Trick,’ and I could hardly contain myself.

But, Your Honor, when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said, ‘Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident’… I just lost it.’

‘CASE DISMISSED!!’

Now keep that smile on your face and pass it on to someone else!!

Popularity: 13%

Tags: funny, funny joke, Funny Jokes, joke, jokes

Hung Chow calls into work and says, ‘Hey, I no come work today, I really sick .

Got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come work.’

The boss says, ‘You know something, Hung Chow, I really need you today.

When I feel sick like you do, I go to my wife and tell her to give me sex.

That makes everything better and I go to work. You try that.’

Two hours later Hung Chow calls again. ‘I do what you say and I feel great.

I be at work soon……….You got nice house!!!’

Popularity: 17%

Tags: funny, funny joke, Funny Jokes, joke, jokes